Long-Distance Lovin' (and why, if you squint, it's not all bad)

This is a self-indulgent post; but then it is a blog, so it's exactly the right home for it. 

Anyway:

Is there anything to be said for long distance relationships? 

The Long Distance Lovemobile

Well - is there?  There must be something in it, or I wouldn't still be doing it after a year and a half, and my girlfriend (who for the purposes of this blog we will call 'Stef') definitely wouldn't be.  There are the obvious downsides.  Sex, for instance isn't just not spontaneous but is more or less planned weeks in advance.  Not literally - the calender doesn't have 'SHAGGING' written over every weekend.  No.  Some weekends,  I can't afford the train fare.  The point is, the physical side of a relationship is very obviously restrained by not living in the same place.

There's the other, less obvious but perhaps more important downsides as well.  Not being able to go home to someone and chat to them about their day, but having to have phone conversations down noisy streets on the way back from work - it's nice, but it's not the same as being able to see someones face and their expressions.  Likewise, there's no opportunity to just curl up and watch crap telly together; all you can do is talk on the phone, and sometimes people just aren't in the mood for engaging their brains enough to talk; the just want to cuddle and point say how crap the people on the Million Pound Drop are.

But still; me and Stef do it and we're certainly not the only people who manage it; plenty of people do long-distance relationships and, although maybe not perfectly happy, they're happy enough to know that it's worth doing.  We're hoping to end the long-distance thing by the end of the Summer, but the fact that we can be planning to move in together means that something about long distance has worked.  Hopefully long distance won't be the only reason why we've worked together well so far, or we're screwed.

So let's have a look at some of the positive aspects to seeing your loved one only every now and then:

1.    Restaurants

Before all this love commuting happened, I averaged one restaurant visit every couple of years, if that.  Now, I'm an experienced connoisseur of restaurants all over the country.  Every time we've met up, we've pretty much almost gone for a meal, mainly because if you've travelled a long way, you're probably going to arrive late and no one's going to be arsed to do cooking.  Takeaways are also frequent, and I hardly had them as often either.  We have cooked together a few times, but frankly when you're trying to pack so many things into 2 days, boiling things isn't always a priority.  It feels like I'm making up for lost restaurant time.  It's quite addictive really; the fact that I'm almost always perpetually broke but still manage to find the time to go to restaurants says it all really.

2.    Hotels

Basically, this is the same point as restaurants, but with beds instead of food.  Never used to go to them - now go to them all the time.  It beats staying with each other's parents or with nosy housemates pottering about.  Although a maid has burst in on me in the almost-nuddy when I was on the phone.  Bit off-topic, that.


3.    Mini-Breaks

I say mini-breaks, but actually some of these holidays have been other peoples' weddings.  But basically, going away to different cities and staying overnight in hotels is quite exciting.  The upside of not being able to just crash out on the sofa with each other is that when you do manage to get together you make a big plan out of it and really go to town (or, if you're me, play it by ear and trust that it'll work out.  Normally, it actually does).  These little holidays may be mini, and the locations might not have been spectacularly exotic, but we've stayed at least one night in most of the important places in the UK (sorry, Kent) which is more than a lot of people get to do in their first year together.

4.    Music

We don't often agree on music tastes. Actually, that's rubbish, there's a lot of crossover; but to be more specific, she doesn't like some of the music I love and to be even more specific, she really fucking hates it.  At the moment, I can listen to the Pixies very loudly whenever I want, but I am aware that this will come to an end soon.  This is why I've been listening to an obscene amount of the Fall, PiL, 6 Music and yes, the Pixies; because when we live together I'm only going to get a chance to do it when she's out the house (doing womany things like shopping and taking things to the laundrette no doubt).  I'm not complaining, but it's one of the bits of bachelordom I'm going to miss.  Sharing the stereo sounds a bit too much like not being in absolute control of the music to me....

5.    TV

This point is more or less the same as 4, only we both like more or less the same things.  The only thing I fear for is my beloved Doctor Who...  Will 'Stef' share my love for a 50 year-old science-fiction programme?  I doubt it.  I know that The Thick Of It is not a favourite - she was distinctly underwhelmed by it when I showed it to her saying it was my favourite sitcom ever.

6.    It's Obviously Serious

If nothing else, both of you know that you're completely serious about each other.  If you weren't you wouldn't go to all the effort of travelling hours at a time to do what some couples can't be bothered to do even if there's only 30 minutes between them.  Smugness of the most phyrric variety.

7.    A Great Understanding Of  British Public Transport

Ask me a question about train times, and i can bore you to death like THAT.

Point 7 there is obviously clutching at straws.  The fact is, if you're in a long-distance relationship, it's hard.  If you're with the right person it's do-able, but only if you think that you will be able to stop doing it at some point in the future.  Hopefully for us we'll be able to find somewhere together before the end of the year, and the era of the Long Distance relationship will be over (and the era of the Long Distance Commute can begin...)  As it stands though, I can keep listening to the Pixies as loud as I like and leave the house without making the bed (should I make that 8.  Not Having To Make The Bed?) and I'll keep looking on the bright side until I don't have to anymore.