Social Status

"Why is it that whenever I put something on Facebook nobody comments on it?" This is my girlfriend, having a social media existential crisis.

"People comment on your Facebook," I reply.

"Yes, but not anywhere near as much as they do on other people's."

"So? It doesn't matter, does it?"

"It does matter! People put on yet another picture of their baby doing exactly the same thing and they get 80 likes or something, but I put some exciting news about me getting a new job and only one like - one! And that's just from you."

"Mine are worth more than other people's."

"It's easy for you to be complacent; everyone always comments on your status updates. It's easy to say recognition's not important when you're always being recognised. Look!" girlfriend exclaims, peering closer at the laptop screen with renewed ire. "You've put a status about my news and loads of people have liked it! And some of them are my friends! My friends, who didn't comment on my status about my news! Oh for God's sake."

"That doesn't matter though, does it?  Maybe they just didn't see it but they saw mine."

"It's so annoying. I hate Facebook."

I sympathise, really; it is annoying. Everyone's been there. You've put up some brilliant picture or clever witticism and it just lingers there forlorn and ignored. The Girlfriend doesn't really use Twitter and I haven't the heart to tell her it's even worse there where tweets quite often get lost in the maelstrom of the twittersphere.

"It's even worse on Twitter," I say. "Twitter's the place to go if you really want to feel ignored."

"That's not the point - all of my friends are on Facebook."

"Don't take it so personally," I say, enjoying the unusual feeling of being the voice of reason. The Kingdom of Reasonableness is not normally my hang out. I'm more often found in downtown Diva Central. "I could understand it if you'd told them all in person and they'd ignored you; I'd even understand it if people were ignoring your texts. But social media's different, it's all pot luck. It depends on what time you post things."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you post something at night, a lot of people might not read it until at least lunchtime the next day, by which time hundreds of other people have put up more baby pictures."

"Stupid baby pictures."

"They are stupid," I agree. "I especially hate it when people put up 58 pictures of near identical pictures of their baby just lying there with a blank expression."

"And they always get loads and loads of likes and comments. I bet most people just like them out of obligation."

"Probably. The thing is, Twitter and Facebook aren't that social. I sit and tweet on the bus because otherwise I might feel obliged to make small talk with people."

"It really upsets me when it seems like people are ignoring me though."

"Then don't use it; if it's upsetting you just ignore it for a bit. I don't feel the need to do it with Facebook, but Twitter annoys me often enough for me to feel the need to not use it for a bit. Delete the app off your phone. I bet if you speak to people they'll be really happy for you."

"I suppose. It feels pointless using Facebook if no one acknowledges me."

"The trick is just not to care. Just put up posts for your own amusement and to hell with everyone else. And at least it's not Twitter. People really do treat Twitter as a competition. The saddest thing in the world is seeing people tweet about how many tweets or followers they've got. There's a whole lot of dick-swinging about that kind of stuff on Twitter."

"But I like Twitter! John O'Farrell replied to one of my tweets!"

"Use Twitter for a bit then!"

"I think I will."

That's that I think; problem solved. It's true, both of the main social media out there are capable of making people irrationally irritated - taking a break from one and enjoying using the other is probably a really good way of curing this. Yeah - problem solved.

"So - how come I've only got 12 followers and you've got like 100 or something?"

Inward sigh.

"Because I tweet more than you do. You said you were going to tweet at least once a day when you signed up, and you haven't tweeted in more than 2 weeks."

"And people retweet you as well! Why?"

And so on.  Social media has taken a firm hold of the way that we interpret our lives. We do things, we think things, but we feel the need to validate them by putting them up for all to see. And then when no one acknowledges them that makes our actions and thoughts seem somehow less worthy. But we shouldn't live our lives that way - we should just be tweeting and FBing for our own pleasure, and feel pleasantly surprised when people acknowledge us but feel no negativity otherwise. We should feel happy when we waste our leisure time on these silly things, and if we don't feel happy we should just not bother. It's people you meet in the pub that matter, not the assorted online randomers on the internet, many of whom we've never met and never will.

If I said this to The Girlfriend it might make her feel better.

"Because I'm more popular," I say smugly, and get a completely justified glare in return.